the lights go off and on all night with nurese coming in...

Last night we both seemed to have slept somewhat decently. I drifted off the Seinfeld with my neck crooked so I can see Tony from my weird bed on the floor and he was awake until they could change all his IV cords at about 12:30. Why they chose to wait that long and wake him up, I have no idea, but there are many things that happen here that I just don't know why they happen the way they do. The staff seems to come in each and every hour (as per their job of course) and the way they are speaking sounds like some kind of dream language that is only deciphered in the dark.
Each morning when I wake up, my body feels sore as if I worked out or lifted the day before (I actually just sort of laughed at the thought of being able to do that...) but I know it is just all the emotions that are coursing through my body making themselves known. Bree made me feel better when she was here as she told me-
"You could be really working out hard and watching everything you eat and MAYBE you would be two pounds lighter. Now do you think that is worth it or should we just go ahead and watch some Seinfeld with Tony?" Not these exact words of course, but I realized that she is right. Every other day in my life is filled with exercise and it is OK to just take a couple weeks and not freak out about it. Good grief the things we put ourselves through when they don't really matter at all.
The emotions we are both feeling is really like a roller coaster. One minute I feel so fine that he is only missing a hand and god, that really isn't a big deal....and then next second a lump forms in my throat and I realized I haven't cried in at least two days. Well, there is went. The tears just started as I sit here in the cafeteria (which I am secretly always wanting to eat all the snacks that surrounding me but have to feel happy with a cup of coffee). No one seems to notice a crying girl in a corner both and that is just the way I want it right now.
Ok ok, enough of that. Time to pull it together and face the day with strength in me heart and fearlessness in my soul. Well, really it is time to find a place to get my hair cut here as Bree has been cutting it for some time and thought that maybe I should try and pretty up a bit for Tone!