Thursday, October 29, 2009
Surgery was Easy, Life, not so much
Surgery was easy, I was under anestesia, most of my decisions were made for me by doctors, I had only my family and a few close friends to interact with. Right now the realities of living everyday life minus a hand are setting in. Seeing friends for the first time since my accident, reliving my ordeal, getting my boots on, trying to shovel snow (can't do it right now), and looking at where my hand once was and figureing out how to live with my new reality, this is proving harder than I had imagined. I am re-learning how to do many things but I am constantly faced with tasks that were easy to do with both my hands, now they are not within my current capabilities. I realize that as my stump heals and becomes less sensitive, stronger and regains motion I will be able to do more, but right now it can be discouraging. In time prosethetics will allow me to paddle, bike and shovel snow, but I had a horrible moment trying to put my boot on yesterday that ended with me throwing them across the room and breaking down crying. I put on my slippers in defeat and went to work an emotional mess. Thankfully my 4CRS family has been great, loving, understanding and sympathetic to my situation. I realize that time heals all wounds, both physical and emotional and I try to look ahead, but sometimes it's hard when you can't even get your boots on to go outside. Thank you all for your support and please keep the love coming, I need it. Tony
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Tony--You are a strong resilient man that will persevere through this. The reality of being home and your everyday life is going to be a struggle and adjustment, but you will figure it all out. I have thought about this reality more than anything since day 1 of your accident and I truely empathize for your situation and understand how difficult this change is. The emotional and physical changes you are experiencing will not be a smooth road and there will be good and bad days, but I promise you will adjust and know you have the strength to come out on top. I love you very much and if there is anything i can do for you I am here. All my love--H
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad that you have a wonderful, supportive, and loving group of co-workers and friends to help in those tough moments; as well as a wife who adores and loves you! Sending lots of love, Mom
ReplyDeleteHey Tony...
ReplyDeleteIm going to speak for a bunch of us...but just so you know...there are many more of us out here...keeping you in our prayers, thinking positive thoughts and sending the love your way :)
Let the healing begin!!
~Kerri Ellis
BHS
Class of '91
Uncle Tony...
ReplyDeleteThere will be more boot situations in the future, but I remain comforted in the fact that you are HERE to try and tie those boots. Sometimes you don't want to hear the blah blah blah, but the "you know what, fuck those boots" So, you know what, fuck those boots.
I love you~
H
Shit Tony. Your post is as real as it gets. I'm sorry. Jackie and I are thinking of you and wish you much strength and wisdom. I'm working on that mitten design too!
ReplyDeleteWrach
Tony- you're so tough I am suprised you didn't go barefoot. Keep your chin up...we are all with you!
ReplyDeleteKevin
Tony you know Mom and I will always be there for you, I keep thinking of sking/snowboarding with you this winter & trying to keep up. I know we will do this. G&G send their love . DAD
ReplyDeleteSo you were discouraged.....and it will happen again and again so know that it is OK to break down and let those tears flow. You don't need to be strong all the time as your emotional strength will improve with each passing week and we know that your physical strength continues to improve as Jimbo and Tina take you on those hikes. Life dealt you a cruel reality and my heart breaks for you, but somehow I know that you will get those or some other boots on and pick up that shovel. I am so glad you threw those damn boots accross the room, throw them again for me! Sending you a big hug filled with mom love....I know you won't give up and know that I am with you every step of your healing so just give me a call and we can either cry together or figure out how to go about your next challenge. Be patient with yourself and know I love you!! Your Mom
ReplyDeleteTony - After reading all these wonderful supportive and loving posts, it's hard to say anything that hasn't been said! It's all true - you will have struggles, your life has changed, things will be hard ----- but you are one great young man with an inner strength that you may not even realize - but don't feel that you have to be strong all the time - lean on all of us - your friends / family / loved ones / We haven't gotten to see you since this terrible thing happened, but you are never far from our thoughts and you're always in our prayers.
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to seeing you. In the meantime, we send our love.
Jan & D9er
Dude, I can't imagine. Hang in there and realize that the Blind end up having a greater sense of smell and touch, and the deaf have a greater sense of body language and perception of emotion. After time I'd venture to guess that your dread on what you can't do will be eclipsed by a fascination for what you can. I saw Def Leppard a while ago and I thought of what it must have been like for their drummer. . . crazy indeed, but he ROCKED IT!
ReplyDeleteJustyn.
Tony, all you have to do is look at Justyn's ridiculous picture and you'll find instant humor. You'd think the toupee wouldn't stay on so well on the high seas, but what do I know, I'm just a landlubber. As far as boots go, you need a pair of "Bogs" - they rock and no stupid laces or buckles. They're cheapest at Basin Coop.
ReplyDeleteMissy - your personal shooper