So that is name of the blog and I believe we are in the recovering stage of things. Today, I wheeled Tony out of the hospital into the sunshine and I could feel his spirit and soul soar as the sun hit his face (hmm..sounds real hippie I know). It is funny what happens when you have been inside for 12 days and you are "an outdoorsy" kind of guy. Your skin looks pale, your eyes lose their luster and you become immune to the recycled air. As we loaded Tony up into the super sweet wheelchair his cute daytime nurse scrounged up for him, I was nervous as I have never been the driver on a wheelchair. I bullied my way into the elevator and pushing dirty faced children into the corner and almost smashed Tonys bandaged foot (yes, it appears as though there was some kind of accident with his foot, but it was the skin grafts and vein transplant that caused such a wrapped up leg) into the wall. As I navigated my way through the hospital entrance and the sunshine hit us, I could feel Tony's happiness brim up. We tooled around the hospital grounds (many of you saw the picture on Facebook where it really and honestly looked like I was pushing him down a hill with a giant smile on his face) and took a few pictures then stopped to just enjoy the sun and wind on our faces.
Ashley from the shop walked up then with two of her friends which was so good for Tony to see and we visited with them for a bit before heading upstairs for fantastic shave and clean sheets. We miss everyone so much and really can't wait to head home to Durango where we are welcomed with open arms and the recovery really begins.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
An article in "Paddling Life" about Tony!!
http://www.paddlinglife.net/article.php?id=471
This is a link to an article about Tony is Paddling Life...how much more loved can we get! Thank you to all of you!!
This is a link to an article about Tony is Paddling Life...how much more loved can we get! Thank you to all of you!!
the lights go off and on all night with nurese coming in...
Last night we both seemed to have slept somewhat decently. I drifted off the Seinfeld with my neck crooked so I can see Tony from my weird bed on the floor and he was awake until they could change all his IV cords at about 12:30. Why they chose to wait that long and wake him up, I have no idea, but there are many things that happen here that I just don't know why they happen the way they do. The staff seems to come in each and every hour (as per their job of course) and the way they are speaking sounds like some kind of dream language that is only deciphered in the dark.
Each morning when I wake up, my body feels sore as if I worked out or lifted the day before (I actually just sort of laughed at the thought of being able to do that...) but I know it is just all the emotions that are coursing through my body making themselves known. Bree made me feel better when she was here as she told me-
"You could be really working out hard and watching everything you eat and MAYBE you would be two pounds lighter. Now do you think that is worth it or should we just go ahead and watch some Seinfeld with Tony?" Not these exact words of course, but I realized that she is right. Every other day in my life is filled with exercise and it is OK to just take a couple weeks and not freak out about it. Good grief the things we put ourselves through when they don't really matter at all.
The emotions we are both feeling is really like a roller coaster. One minute I feel so fine that he is only missing a hand and god, that really isn't a big deal....and then next second a lump forms in my throat and I realized I haven't cried in at least two days. Well, there is went. The tears just started as I sit here in the cafeteria (which I am secretly always wanting to eat all the snacks that surrounding me but have to feel happy with a cup of coffee). No one seems to notice a crying girl in a corner both and that is just the way I want it right now.
Ok ok, enough of that. Time to pull it together and face the day with strength in me heart and fearlessness in my soul. Well, really it is time to find a place to get my hair cut here as Bree has been cutting it for some time and thought that maybe I should try and pretty up a bit for Tone!
Each morning when I wake up, my body feels sore as if I worked out or lifted the day before (I actually just sort of laughed at the thought of being able to do that...) but I know it is just all the emotions that are coursing through my body making themselves known. Bree made me feel better when she was here as she told me-
"You could be really working out hard and watching everything you eat and MAYBE you would be two pounds lighter. Now do you think that is worth it or should we just go ahead and watch some Seinfeld with Tony?" Not these exact words of course, but I realized that she is right. Every other day in my life is filled with exercise and it is OK to just take a couple weeks and not freak out about it. Good grief the things we put ourselves through when they don't really matter at all.
The emotions we are both feeling is really like a roller coaster. One minute I feel so fine that he is only missing a hand and god, that really isn't a big deal....and then next second a lump forms in my throat and I realized I haven't cried in at least two days. Well, there is went. The tears just started as I sit here in the cafeteria (which I am secretly always wanting to eat all the snacks that surrounding me but have to feel happy with a cup of coffee). No one seems to notice a crying girl in a corner both and that is just the way I want it right now.
Ok ok, enough of that. Time to pull it together and face the day with strength in me heart and fearlessness in my soul. Well, really it is time to find a place to get my hair cut here as Bree has been cutting it for some time and thought that maybe I should try and pretty up a bit for Tone!
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
it is so hot in this "tropical healing" room....
Breathe deep and try to keep positive. This is all I can do right now. It is funny, the past week all I have been concerned about is my husband living and breathing. Now that part is over, it is on the next healing step which is actually thinking about him doing everyday stuff without his hand. This proved harder for me last night than I thought...not because of the loss of hand, but how much pain he will go through accepting this as a new way of life. I thought of all the things you need that hand for and those thoughts weighed so heavy on my heart I could barely stand it. Yet I have to try and keep it strong and focused on all the good things like it really is just a hand and after six months, he will be so used to it, it will be second nature. But I know until that time comes we have such a long road of anger, frustration, sadness and loss. Each day will bring a new challenge for my husband in ways I never thought about but I know with our strength together we can get through it. I think the first days home (and without bandages on...) will be the hardest because here in Denver, we are still not facing real life. We are sheltered from everyday tasks and have minimal contact with the outside world.
Each day when you walk around the hospital whether it is ambling to the cafeteria at 7 am to get coffee or midnight to just have a walkabout, you see so many people that are in such worse conditions and families whose hearts are broken into a million pieces on the waiting room floor. You stroll by on your way to get a cup of ice and hear snippets of conversation:
"will be brain dead for life"
"has full facial mobility but will never be able to move"
"is undetermined whether she will ever wake up"
and you are immediately thanking a higher power that that particular doctor is not yours. You actually have a hot German doctor who has told you your husband will fully recover, just not with a hand. You then wander back to the hospital room filled with loved ones and support and realize watching The Biggest Loser all night on TV with your husband is just the night you have been looking forward to all along.
Each day when you walk around the hospital whether it is ambling to the cafeteria at 7 am to get coffee or midnight to just have a walkabout, you see so many people that are in such worse conditions and families whose hearts are broken into a million pieces on the waiting room floor. You stroll by on your way to get a cup of ice and hear snippets of conversation:
"will be brain dead for life"
"has full facial mobility but will never be able to move"
"is undetermined whether she will ever wake up"
and you are immediately thanking a higher power that that particular doctor is not yours. You actually have a hot German doctor who has told you your husband will fully recover, just not with a hand. You then wander back to the hospital room filled with loved ones and support and realize watching The Biggest Loser all night on TV with your husband is just the night you have been looking forward to all along.
Sitting in our Marriot room for the past eleven days just accross from the hospital where Tony has gone thru five surgeries in ten days. His beautiful strength and courage has shone in every challenge he has faced in life and especially these past eleven days. Tina at his side offering her love and attention evey moment since his accident. His friend Luke spending days supporting Tony and Tina and offering hugs to family has been a true blessing to all. Other friends stopping by for a visit or two to offer their strength and support. Jennifer giving great massages and exercises and Holly giving hugs to Tina and sharing tears with her brother. All of his friends and family have been so strong throughout only wishing and praying for Tony's recovery. Now, Tony can hopefully move forward as he may have just endured his last surgery if all goes well. The doctor will be checking daily to insure the infection is under control and healing is occurring without any more complications.
With Tony's incredible sense of humor and great spirit, he continues to work on his current challenge, overcoming his injury. When he was in grade school they voted him "Most Likely To Become Indiana Jones" and we always wondered exactly what that meant. Well as Tony grew into a man, we realized that he is an Indiana Jones sometimes defying what we deemed impossible. It is this courage that we are now seeing every moment.
Thank you for all of your love, prayers, support, visits and everything that has given Tony and Tina and his family strength. The overwhelming response has been so touching to all. As his parents, it has been our most difficult challenge to watch our son suffer so much, but he always gives us a faint smile and loving kiss to assue us he is and will be OK. Keep him in your thoughts and prayers. Ken & Patti Miely
With Tony's incredible sense of humor and great spirit, he continues to work on his current challenge, overcoming his injury. When he was in grade school they voted him "Most Likely To Become Indiana Jones" and we always wondered exactly what that meant. Well as Tony grew into a man, we realized that he is an Indiana Jones sometimes defying what we deemed impossible. It is this courage that we are now seeing every moment.
Thank you for all of your love, prayers, support, visits and everything that has given Tony and Tina and his family strength. The overwhelming response has been so touching to all. As his parents, it has been our most difficult challenge to watch our son suffer so much, but he always gives us a faint smile and loving kiss to assue us he is and will be OK. Keep him in your thoughts and prayers. Ken & Patti Miely
Don't Call it a Comeback
Tony here. First and foremost a huge Thank You to all of you who given me your support, the amount of love out there has been phenomenal. My family, everyday friends, the paddling community and people I have not seen or heard from in years coming out of the woodwork and buoying my spirits with words of strength, love, humor and support. The past 10 days have been incrediably challenging and I know that I have a long road ahead. I plan to take the challenges head on and overcome the obstacles thay lay ahead. It will not be easy.
For many of you who know me it is probably suprising that this is my first amputation, I mean I have crashed a lot of different craft in my time. Motorcycles, rafts, kayaks, bikes, snowboards, kites, ect.. I have had pretty spectular wipe outs with all of these. Accidents are accidents though and when your number is up there is not much to do but move forward and make the best of a bad situation. I am super bummed about my situation but I realize that dwelling on the past or on coulda/shoulda/woulda bullshit will not get me my hand back. Instead I am choosing to look ahead and focus on how I am going to adapt to my new world.
My arm is getting tired from typing so I am going to sign off for now. I do want to Thank You all again and let you know you support has been remarkable, please keep it coming, I need all the love I can get right now. Love Tony
For many of you who know me it is probably suprising that this is my first amputation, I mean I have crashed a lot of different craft in my time. Motorcycles, rafts, kayaks, bikes, snowboards, kites, ect.. I have had pretty spectular wipe outs with all of these. Accidents are accidents though and when your number is up there is not much to do but move forward and make the best of a bad situation. I am super bummed about my situation but I realize that dwelling on the past or on coulda/shoulda/woulda bullshit will not get me my hand back. Instead I am choosing to look ahead and focus on how I am going to adapt to my new world.
My arm is getting tired from typing so I am going to sign off for now. I do want to Thank You all again and let you know you support has been remarkable, please keep it coming, I need all the love I can get right now. Love Tony
Monday, September 28, 2009
Out of surgery and ready to do some snackin'....
The relief of seeing my husband being wheeled back to his room is just about as good a feeling as getting off a roller coaster. Your heart is pounding and the giddy feeling you get is unparalled to anything else. All of us in the waiting room listen and hold our breath as you see the handsome doctor coming through the doors to tell you your husband/son is alive and breathing in post-op. After the doctor tells us all is ok we furiously pick up our cell phones to text all the loved ones to tell them the good news. This is when you breath deep and know that someone is looking after you from somewhere else.
At this point, the surgery went well and although his arm is a bit traumatized, they have closed up the wounds and the doctor will check on it Friday. At that point if all goes well, we can head to a hotel and then check in with the doctor. The wound is closed and the infection is under control so keep thinking positive thoughts. Ken and Patti are out buying Tony all kinds of snacks as he hasn't been able to eat in 24 hours so he is starving. Missy, Tony is very excited for the Snuggly and I can see that I will trying to take that over really quick! Who doesn't want a blankey that is really a house coat?! I do! I do!
At this point, the surgery went well and although his arm is a bit traumatized, they have closed up the wounds and the doctor will check on it Friday. At that point if all goes well, we can head to a hotel and then check in with the doctor. The wound is closed and the infection is under control so keep thinking positive thoughts. Ken and Patti are out buying Tony all kinds of snacks as he hasn't been able to eat in 24 hours so he is starving. Missy, Tony is very excited for the Snuggly and I can see that I will trying to take that over really quick! Who doesn't want a blankey that is really a house coat?! I do! I do!
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